just got to write the word “stonehenge” on my calendar.
march 13th. time to summon some ancient spirits.
thought i just deleted my essay—- the one that’s due in like eight hours.
turns out i emailed myself the finished draft because i’m a fucking genius.
my actual life is way fucking stranger than fiction, i’m telling you.
FUCK ME THAT WAS AWFUL.
so i’m on my bed in the dark, laptop on my chest, reading, when a
HUGE. FUCKING. SPIDER.
walks across my screen, and all i see is this big fucking, eight-legged shadow scrambling six inches from my face.
i just murdered that motherfucker with a tissue, a swiffer sweeper, and all of my fury.
NOT IN MY HOUSE, BITCH.
if “have a beer and watch big brother” isn’t the plan, then i uhh… i think we should reformulate the plan