just got to write the word “stonehenge” on my calendar.
march 13th. time to summon some ancient spirits.
thought i just deleted my essay—- the one that’s due in like eight hours.
turns out i emailed myself the finished draft because i’m a fucking genius.
my actual life is way fucking stranger than fiction, i’m telling you.
I JUST LIVED A NOPE MOMENT
FUCK ME THAT WAS AWFUL.
so i’m on my bed in the dark, laptop on my chest, reading, when a
HUGE. FUCKING. SPIDER.
walks across my screen, and all i see is this big fucking, eight-legged shadow scrambling six inches from my face.
FUCK. THAT.
i just murdered that motherfucker with a tissue, a swiffer sweeper, and all of my fury.
NOT IN MY HOUSE, BITCH.
if “have a beer and watch big brother” isn’t the plan, then i uhh… i think we should reformulate the plan
